Understanding the Mindset of Betrayal

Infidelity, Cheating , Affair, Betrayal or Extra Marital Affair you can call it whatever you want but the ground reality is that they can hit hard, leaving deep scars and leading to some really intense situations. It can spiral into depression, domestic violence, breakups, divorce, or even worse. It's something we see everywhere, even in the strongest relationships. But what really makes people stray from their loved ones and lose that loyalty? Ever wondered why some people cheat? Ever wondered what goes on in the mind of someone who cheats?  Whether you're moving on, dealing with heartbreak, or just curious, let's dive into the psychology behind infidelity!

So, an affair usually means having ongoing emotional or physical connections with someone who isn't your partner. It usually means those ongoing, secret interactions that go beyond the usual relationship boundaries. These actions can really differ, ranging from physical closeness to strong emotional bonds with someone else.

What is the psychology behind an affair?

There may be many reasons why someone might cheat in a relationship. Let’s dive in and look at a few.

1.    Cheating may be seen as a means to relieve frustration.

Infidelity frequently serves as a means to express frustration and unresolved issues within a relationship. When individuals feel stagnant in their relationship, they may seek to evade conflict and resort to infidelity as a means of escaping their issues with their current partner.

2. Either you or your partner might experience feelings of being overwhelmed or despair.

A partner might experience feelings of helplessness or a lack of control within a relationship, yet they may choose to suppress their anger or avoid confrontation due to practical considerations like children, lifestyle, or financial matters. In their pursuit of comfort and security, they turn to another individual.

3.    Cheating can function as a revenge

Cheating might also be viewed as establishing the score. A passive-aggressive individual may respond to their partner's infidelity by engaging in cheating themselves, channelling their anger in a manner that avoids direct confrontation while still causing pain.

4.    Cheating can be a sign of deep relational issues

A cheater may have severely low self-esteem and a narcissistic way of seeing things. Some people have a predisposition to seek attention, and after they are pleased with one person, they may move on to another in order to meet their demands and validate themselves. They lack a healthy feeling of self-worth, so they keep moving from one person to the next, seeking continual reassurance.

5. Cheating can be a last resort for fulfilling sexual needs

It could be that their partner is not showing interest in sex or does not fulfil their sexual needs. It could be a purely physical sensation where they are not getting the desired satisfaction from their partner. So, to meet the criteria, a cheater might resort to some other person who can give them what they desire.

6. Cheating is a form of control

Some people have power and control issues. Being under an authoritative figure might put them off. So, to even things out and get that feeling of having power and control, they cheat. For them, cheating is a rebellious way of telling others that they still have power and control.

7.Cheating is a sign of distress

A person might feel disrespected or that they are being pushed around in the relationship. Aspects of their relationship are unsatisfying and they can no longer bear it. Their relationship might not have a healthy balance and to avoid conflict and seek that balance and affection, they might lose interest in the person and resort to someone else who can provide them with that.

8.    Cheating can be due to situational factors

Sometimes, cheating might happen because of certain situations. Someone could be in a perfectly healthy relationship, but if they find themselves hanging out with a lot of attractive people, it might increase the chances of them straying.

What happens mentally, after an affair

You might experience symptoms consistent with post-traumatic stress. Instead of a shock to your system, as with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), discovering cheating can be a mental shock to the system you’ve built as a couple.

Research shows that infidelity can also cause increased anxiety and depression, in addition to stress.

When your child finds out you cheated

If your child finds out you cheated, it can cause many ripple effects:

a)    Your child may side with and trust your partner more than you.

b)    They may experience feelings of confusion, anxiety, abandonment, and isolation not unlike the partner who was cheated on.

c)    One study also suggests that children with a parent who has had an affair may have trust issues with future romantic partners.

d)    Your child may form negative perceptions of fidelity.

e)   A 2017 study looked at how children imitate infidelity modelled to them in childhood in adult relationships.

Infidelity can have lasting impacts on partners and children the couple may have. Grief, brain changes, behaviors down the road, and mental health conditions such as anxiety, chronic stress, and depression can result.

Some families have been able to move past infidelity with time and therapy. To move on, this takes active work on both partners to work on the root cause of the infidelity. Working through it is not suitable for every couple, but those willing can heal.