Reasons your partner won’t commit to you 

There could be a plethora of reasons for your partner to be commitment phobic. It could be poor childhood experience or someone with complex mental health conditions like personality disorder, attachment disorder. Common causes of commitment issues include

1)  Unrealistic Expectations

In a relationship partners start setting expectations for the future or the relationship. If the expectations border unrealistic situations like no disagreements or uncanny similar perspective on things, it can lead to disappointments. It does not help that Bollywood had set some unrealistic expectations in the hearts and minds of people. Unresolved disappointments due to expectations can lead to differences or fear of lifelong commitment.

2)  Hope of a ‘better’ partner

Some people are pleased with their current relationship, whilst others are continuously looking for a spouse who is more gorgeous, has more money, or comes from a better family. Commitment is impossible when you're constantly seeking for the next great alternative.

3)  Hurt From Past Relationships

Serious relationships unlock opportunities for tremendous benefits, but they also require vulnerability. People who have been hurt in relationships themselves or have seen others become hurt may shy away from commitment as a form of protection.

4)   Unresolved Emotional Attachment

Each person carries strong connections to their family members that determine how new relationships form and continue. With high levels of unresolved attachment, a person may feel guilty about beginning new relationships because it will hinder their ability to maintain the desired family relationships.

5)   Imbalance of Individuality & Togetherness

All people must find a balance between individuality and togetherness. Ideally, a person can spend their time and emotional energy evenly divided while comfortably being alone and being with others. When these factors are out of balance, a person could never want to be alone or never what to be with someone else. Either way, commitment issues will emerge.

6) Dysfunctional Communication

There could be gap in what you say and what he needs. Usually with one partner pressurizing for ‘the next step’, the partner might not have the space vocalize his needs, vision and priority. 

7) Infidelity 

If one partner isn’t faithful he/she may hesitate from commitment. Any form of commitment means a lack of interest in the relationship and partner. It could be because of gaps in needs being met, be it emotional or physical. 

8)  Moving Through Life at Different Speeds

When one partner is learning and growing at a rapid pace, while the other is stagnating, this may be a source of relational divergence. One example of this would be a partner advancing quickly in her career and society, while her significant other is stagnating at home. The professional and social circles of the couple begin to diverge, and soon the couple themselves differentiate. They have physically, intellectually, and socially grown apart.

9) Self-sabotage

Many individuals unknowingly undermine positive opportunities in their lives. This behavior often stems from childhood experiences where good things were rare or fleeting.

When raised by a depressed or alcoholic parent, one learns that many interactions are unpredictable and often have disappointing outcomes. As an adult, this may lead to avoiding relationships that seem too good to be true, out of fear that something will inevitably go wrong.

10) Avoiding key issues

Over time, you may worry that certain unresolved issues could prevent a fulfilling marriage with your partner.

For instance, if you're dating someone who struggles with anxiety or depression, you might fear that they won't be able to fully engage in life with you. If your partner refuses to seek help, it could lead to significant doubts about making a long-term commitment.