9 Ways to Cope with a Miscarriage

A miscarriage can be such a heartbreaking detour on the journey to parenthood. It brings a wave of profound loss, guilt, and isolation, and can sometimes lead to struggles with mental health like depression and anxiety. Healing from a miscarriage takes time. Embrace your feelings, create special rituals to honour your loss, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support. You’re not alone in this journey.

It doesn't matter how you felt about the pregnancy—a loss is a big deal. Find ways to deal with what happened. This will help you move on and not stay stuck in sadness. Remember that every story is different, and you need to figure out how to change these rules to make them work best for you and your needs.

Here are nine ways to cope after a miscarriage:

1. Remember That It’s Not Your Fault

It's so important to remind ourselves that a miscarriage is not our fault, even though it can be really hard to believe.  Sometimes, it’s hard to see the light when you’re surrounded by shadows of self-blame and sadness. Time to lean on those who lift you up! Having a therapist or counsellor by your side can really help you realize that you’re not to blame, and that’s such a game changer for letting go of shame!

2. Let Yourself Grieve & Be Sad

You've just gone through something really tough, and it’s totally okay to feel every emotion that comes along. It's totally normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions after experiencing a miscarriage, even if the pregnancy was unexpected or unwanted.  Confusion, sadness, and guilt can all come into play. You're not alone in this journey.  For anyone who has felt that deep connection during pregnancy, experiencing a miscarriage can be incredibly hard to handle.

Grief is a personal journey, and there’s no one way to navigate it.  Embrace this moment to show yourself some love and kindness. Embrace your emotions!  Feel them, accept them, and let them be what they are.

3. Tend to Your Physical Health

After having a loss, figure out what you need and make sure you get it. Each person should take care of themselves in their own unique way, by doing things that make their body and mind feel good. Making sure you eat well, drink water, and get enough sleep are good places to start. If you don't care about yourself after the loss or even feel bad about it, get help. You deserve to be taken care of during this time.

 4. Focus on the Facts

It's so easy to get caught up in overthinking every little thing you did during pregnancy, wondering if it played a part in the miscarriage. Overthinking these thoughts will just bring you down and won't change a thing. Let it go! Stop dwelling on the “what ifs” and focus on the facts you have! This can totally help you take a step back from personalizing an event that was beyond your control! 

5. Stay Grounded in the Present

When you have a loss, you might think about both the past ("Why did this happen?") and the future ("Will it happen again?"). This can easily cause people to think too much and have strong emotional responses. Mental exercises, deep breathing, or mindfulness can help you bring your attention back to the present time. If presence is something you struggle with, or you would like to learn more about these tools, a therapist is a great person to ask for help.

6. Find a Way to Commemorate Your Loss

It can be really beneficial to find a way to honour your lost child following a miscarriage. You may attend a funeral or memorial service for your infant, even if you do not have any remains to bury or cremate.

Planting a tree or plant, grieving journaling, or crafting an object like a Christmas ornament, stone plaque, or jewellery are all examples of rituals or memorials that can help with healing. The goal is to create a space where you can honour what you've lost in a way that makes sense to you and helps you heal.

7. Try Utilizing Creative Outlets to Process Your Feelings

Creative outlets can help people process their grief in unconventional ways. Gardening, updating your home decor, composing poetry, or doodling mindfully are all examples of creative pursuits. Anything that allows you to express yourself may be called a creative outlet.

Sometimes there may be pressure for people recovering from miscarriage to talk about their feelings. It is equally important to have avenues for recovery which take the pressure off of talking and allow you to express and process emotions in alternative ways. Sometimes non-verbal creative outlets like pottery, paint-by-numbers, or dance, can take the pressure off of using words and allow you to experience recovery differently.

8. Seek Out Support & Be Open About How You’re Feeling

The days and weeks following your miscarriage can be a really sensitive time. Getting support from others can really lighten your emotional load.

Your partner is probably experiencing the grief with you, even if you both handle it in different ways or are at different stages in your journey. Being together in your grief can really help you feel connected and comforted.

Family and friends are those special people in our lives who really know how to be there for us when we need support. They can really provide a comforting space to land after going through a tough miscarriage. It's really important to share how you'd like to be supported. Remember, family and friends can't read your mind, so your thoughts on how they can help are super valuable.

A therapist or counsellor can offer you a safe and private space to talk about your feelings and pick up some helpful coping skills for the future. Couples therapy might be really helpful for you, especially if the miscarriage has created some distance between you and your partner, or if it has made any existing issues even more noticeable. A support group is usually led by a mental health professional or a peer mentor, creating a space where people can connect with others who have gone through similar experiences. A support group can really be a great spot to connect with others who totally understand what you're experiencing and can offer friendship and camaraderie. Telling your story can really help make your feelings feel more normal and can also support others, which is such a freeing experience. There are plenty of support groups out there, both in-person and online, that are perfect for this kind of thing.

9. Remember That Healing Will Take Time

Recovery does not follow a straight path. Exploring and trying new strategies for healing is essential to discover what best suits your individual emotional and psychological needs. While it is impossible to eliminate the emotions tied to the grief of miscarriage, over time, you may cultivate a different connection to these feelings and the memory of the pregnancy.