EMOTIONAL PERMANENCE
We all have heard enough about emotional stability, intelligence, regulation , awareness etc. but only few of us have an idea about what is known as “Emotional Permanence". Emotional permanence refers to our capacity to believe in the feelings of other people even when we are not with them. Even when someone isn’t texting, calling, or physically around , we still feel secure in their love. This may seem vague to some , as it might be perceived as a common experience shared by many. But the reality is exactly opposite, many people have come forward raising the issue of emotional permanence. Online discussion groups such as reddit and quora have many users who talk about it openly . They describe how they struggle with the mere absence of their partners or loved ones. Emotional permanence is something that we develop, we are not born with it. Some of us are privileged enough to be born in a secure household that feels safe. If someone didn't grow up in such an environment, then the task is to build the emotional permanence within themselves. It's normal to miss those close to us , who matter most to us but it is also important to develop the sense that they will return to us. The distance is physical, not emotional. Their love hasn't gone anywhere, we just struggle to feel it in their absence.
Some of the signs that you may also lack emotional permanence:
1) Overthinking small gaps - if silence feels like distance.
2) Constant need for reassurance - “do they still think about me” , “m i not important anymore”.
3) Overdependence - when texts, calls only act as proof of love. Without it something starts to seem off to you.
4) Abandonment - drawing an exaggerated conclusion even with small fights . to live in a constant fear that the front person will leave them anytime.
This doesn't mean something is wrong with you . Many people discover this at different points in their lives. It simply reflects how deeply we value connection and reassurance. With awareness and consistent efforts, it is something that can be understood and improved.
There's no quick fix for emotional permanence overnight. It's an everyday process. With each small step day by day.
Some of the things that might help:
Know your pattern - learn to create distance between you and your thoughts. This idea is also used in the mindfulness approach within CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Distinguish when it's your anxiety taking over reality.
Gaps - The trigger is less about the person and more about the waiting period. Start associating your waiting time with something that you love to do the most.
Introspection- This is a key aspect of knowing what's going on within ourselves. Once we start being honest with ourselves about where these feelings come from, it becomes easier to shift toward healthier ways of coping .
A lack of emotional permanence is shaped by our past experiences and upbringing, it’s important to understand that building it takes time, it's not something that changes overnight. Growth is always possible. With patience and self-awareness, we can improve our emotional well-being, including our ability to feel secure in relationships. By taking the time to reflect on where our patterns come from and working towards changing them. We can begin to feel more secure within ourselves. This strengthens our sense of self and also allows us to experience healthier and more fulfilling relationships.